i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
