What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
