So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
