playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
