she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's Friday. Sex?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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