So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
