worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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