Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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