Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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