I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My life is pants optional.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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