Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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