I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
