You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
