If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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