i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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