Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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