I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize