I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
