I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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