five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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