my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
