I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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