Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
