We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
