I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
