capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
