You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
