Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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