I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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