i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm gonna have a badass scar
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
