if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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