did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
