New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
