I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
