Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
