it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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