pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
