If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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