why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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