I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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