OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
