Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
