Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
