I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
