Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
