made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
