Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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