I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
