don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
