You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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