Even the bartender felt bad for me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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