man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am available for nakedness
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
