just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
