I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
