why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
