This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
