PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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