her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize