i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
