You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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