If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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