i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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