i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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