I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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