He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
