Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
