Will you blow on my dice?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
