Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
