Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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