That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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